Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
