please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
