you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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