we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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