Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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