how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
