see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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