so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
