sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
