Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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