So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
