see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
