Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
