You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
