Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
