How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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