I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
