take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
