Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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