Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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