Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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