This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
