Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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