I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Alive.
So much puke
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
