I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
