I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
