There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
