Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
