you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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