Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
