Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
