I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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