its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
