I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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