Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
