Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
