we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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