I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
