so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
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something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
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I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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