Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
