we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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