dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
