I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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