if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
