Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
birth control should be required to get into college
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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