if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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