Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
