why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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