Dual....:-)
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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