shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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