can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
