I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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