I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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