my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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