in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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