An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
