what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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