return my video game
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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