Plan B is the new Plan A
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
