its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
