Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
