youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
