she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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