3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
