Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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