I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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