census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
