I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
