God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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