it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize