at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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