Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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