it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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