Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
