i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
third nipple confirmed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
